Hey Nedlam, I have been debating on whether or not I should make the first move on this guy that I like. Some of my friends say that I should, but then others say that the guy should. Any advice?
Thank you so much for reaching out! I understand how difficult it must be for you because I have been in your shoes before and I am confident that many other girls have been too.
First off, I think we need to remember that it is 2019! Times are changing and we either need to change with it or get left behind!
In my opinion, I do not think you should just sit around and wait for something to happen. If you want results, you should act on it. There is nothing wrong with a girl doing what is seen as a stereotypical ‘guy thing.’ Trust me when I say that if you wait around for something that may not even happen, you will regret it. Just as Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
I think the main reason you do not want to make a move is because you are afraid. You may be scared of rejection and or scared that people will judge you for not being patient and waiting for the guy to do it. Well, let me give you some reassurance.
I bet he is just as nervous as you are, which is probably the reason why he has not made a move yet. If that’s the case, you will be waiting a while (if not forever) and that is why I highly recommend you do it. To feel this way is completely normal and being nervous is also what makes us human. If you are also afraid that some of your friends may judge you for having enough confidence to act instead of wait, then I think they are just jealous that you are brave enough to do it and they are not. I think it is important that you listen and take your friends advice into consideration, but I also think it is important that you listen to your gut feeling.
If you are also finding it difficult to come up with how and when the best timing is, here is what you should do: The best time to do it is to get the two of you alone. Then you should start the conversation smoothly by talking about what you would normally talk about. After a couple minutes of normal conversation, reel it in and casually ask him if he’d be interested in hanging out sometime out of school.
Rejection is difficult, I’ll admit that. But you do not know until you try. If you do not try, you will spend your whole life wondering and it’s not worth passing the opportunity. My advice is to go for it. The worst that can happen is he does not like you back. Big whoop! Who cares?! You are probably an amazing person and any guy would be lucky to be with you. So even if this guy does not realize that, another one will. I am also a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so whatever happens, is what's meant to happen.
Let me know if my advice worked! Good luck!